


A Person, A Place, An Ideal, A Thing

by SciFiFantasyStuff



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Essay, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, Letter to the Internet, M/M, POV First Person, Samulet, This sucks but I'm procrastinating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 19:47:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2321207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SciFiFantasyStuff/pseuds/SciFiFantasyStuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was assigned a short essay for English, but I'm procrastinating, so I wrote it for Dean instead. Canon before Demon!Dean, so I guess late Season 9.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Person, A Place, An Ideal, A Thing

Normally, I’d start talking about Sammy, my little brother, but he and I got into it last night and I haven’t quite forgiven him yet, which leaves me with Cas. But what is there to say about Cas? Dark hair, blue eyes, yea high, and every time you need him, even when you say outright that you need him, he’s nowhere to be found. Alright, I know it’s cuz he’s got other stuff but… It’d be nice if he’d stay for a while. Even for just a week without poofing in and out of my life. I mean... how long were we together in Purgatory? Months. I risked life and limb to drag him to that exit and he just… pushed me away. Left me, because he thought he owed god and everybody else penance. Well where’s my bit of penance?! What about what he fucking owes me? Huh? An explanation at least. After all these years together you’d think he could muster one of those.

A place? Hell no, I’m not answering that one. Every place I’ve ever cared about, our little house in Kansas, Bobby’s, The Roadhouse, it all ended in flames. Why? Because I’m bad luck, that’s why. Maybe that’s the reason Cas won’t stick around.

As far as ideals go, I’m running short on them. I don’t know anymore. I used to say something like ‘Family’ or ‘Loyalty’ but I’ve been jerked around so much that if I ever put any faith in either of those again I’ll be dead. I did die. Never was one for faith anyway. …That’s not really true though, I guess. I had a lot of faith in Cas once. How the fuck does this keep coming back to him? Fuck it, I’m worried.

As far as things go… I know what I want to talk about, but it’s one of my biggest regrets. There’s this amulet I used to wear all the time. Never took it off for anything, except, of course, Cas. He needed it to find his dad. When he brought it back I guess I just… was upset? Disappointed? It hadn’t worked, so I dropped it in some cheepo motel trash can, but that wasn’t what it was supposed to be for. It was always about me and Sam, and after that, it coulda been about Cas too, but now it’s gone. Since then, everything between the three of us has gone South, or to hell, whichever. Sometimes I get this feeling, like, if I had it back we could fix things but… that’s not gonna happen.


End file.
